Your kids are .....just like all the rest of them

I don't like children. I have never liked children.

Even as a child. I preferred the company of adults.

If the children are yours it does not mean I am going to experience and epiphany and change my mind. Oh and please, please, please, stop telling me yours are different.

they are not

Babies are GREAT! I love babies! 

Cute, cuddly, smell good, funny noises, and grown ups make the funniest drunk faces at them. Even when liquids start coming out, it's still good, because then I give them back.

Which is why I like them.

I get to give them back when they stop behaving in a manner that pleases me.

HOWEVER, around the time they start to make words into sentences that actually mean something....they become children.

I don't like children. Stop trying to change me. Accept me as I am.

And slap your obnoxious spawn when they are screaming and throwing things in a Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom type tantrum in the grocery store because they want a cookie or a donut or a soda or whatever!

IF I CAN'T HAVE A COOKIE NEITHER CAN YOU DAMN IT

And for the last time

Keep Your Grubby Sticky Gross Paws Off The Cool Toys!!!

the cool toys are mine

all mine